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Are you lazy or just burned out?

Good day, my love bugs.

In a world that glorifies productivity, resilience, and endless multi-tasking, many women find themselves quietly battling a double-edged sword: executive dysfunction and emotional burnout. These terms can be intimidating, but they are deeply personal and often misunderstood, especially in women with functional depression.

What is executive dysfunction?

Kendra Kubala from Healthline wrote in her article Understanding Executive Dysfunction and How It Shows Up that executive dysfunction disrupts the brain's ability to plan, focus, remember instructions, and manage multiple tasks. It affects the executive functions of the brain, which are skills that help us get things done. It is not laziness or lack of willpower. It is often linked to mental health conditions like ADHD, anxiety, depression, and trauma. For many women, executive dysfunction looks like:

  • Starting tasks but never finishing them.

  • Constantly missing deadlines or appointments

  • Feeling overwhelmed by small, everyday decisions

  • Having a to-do list that never seems to shrink

  • Forgetting important things, despite best efforts to stay organized

These struggles are often internalized as personal failings, especially in a society that equates a woman's worth with her productivity, caregiving ability, or emotional regulation.

Emotional Burnout: The Unseen Epidemic

Burnout is described as a state of chronic, physical and emotional exhaustion, a sense of cynicism, and a reduced sense of accomplishment. Emotional burnout specifically refers to the depletion of emotional energy, which women are disproportionately expected to give. Women tend to carry the emotional labor in their homes, workplaces, and communities. They are the listeners, nurturers, planners, and peace makers. This emotional caretaking is invisible, unpaid, and expected. Signs of emotional burnout in women include:

  • Feeling numb, irritable, or emotionally fragile

  • Withdrawing from social interactions

  • Struggling to connect with loved ones

  • Losing passion for things they once enjoyed

  • Feeling guilty for needing rest or saying ‘no’

When Executive Dysfunction Meets Burnout

Let's imagine a scenario where you are trying to plan for the week, organize your home, respond to an email, but your brain is foggy, your emotions frayed, and your body is tired. Executive dysfunction and burnout don't just coexist; they feed off each other. Burnout worsens cognitive fatigue, making it harder to organize your thoughts or get started on tasks. Executive dysfunction in turn delays tasks and decisions, increasing stress and emotional exhaustion.

What can help?

  1. Name the problem

Acknowledge executive dysfunction and burnout for what they are, the neurological and emotional challenges, not personal flaws.

  1. Reject perfectionism

Let go of the idea that you must do everything, do it well, and do it alone. Progress matters more than perfection.

  1. Create gentle structures

I always preach that our routines should not be rigid and boring. Use tools that work with your brain, not against it, such as visual planners, reminders, body doubling, etc.

  1. Prioritize emotional rest

Emotional rest is just as important as physical rest. Practice boundaries, say no when needed, and give yourself permission to unplug.

  1. Seek professional help

In this community, we are big advocates for therapy and supporting your mental health. Seek help where you can, even medical help that can help uncover the underlying conditions and offer tailored strategies.

Resist the urge not to take care of yourself

As women, we are not machines. Yes, we are complex beings who feel and think intensely, but we deserve compassion, care, and rest. If you feel you have been stuck in a fog of burnout or unable to get started on even the smallest task, know that you are not lazy, broken, or weak. You are carrying too much invisibly. Start small, speak gently to yourself, and most importantly, know that healing is possible, one step at a time. I am rooting for you big time.

Till next time, Cheers!

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