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You have nothing to prove

Good day, my love bugs.

If you live in South Africa you know that Autumn is here which means that my birthday month is also here. Shout out to all of the Aries out there you are truly one of a kind! I become reflective every year around this time looking at all the time that has gone and what is to come. I get severe birthday anxiety, I am a big believer in birthdays and I am extremely excited the whole month of April but after my birthday there is also a sigh of relief. It is me wanting that day to be perfect and sitting in anticipation of the messages, the calls, and who reaches out. I am an adult now well in legal terms I am an adult and have been for some time now but I swear I still feel like a teenager. I do not think I make 'adult' decisions I just live life man. As a last born who spent so many years being the baby of the family, I find it hard to navigate adulthood my biggest fear is that I am going to be a disappointment which I am not and will never be but I struggle with this feeling and battle with these thoughts.

In this post, we are not going to be doing any challenges or learning new terminologies. I am just being candid with my thoughts and sharing something that has been weighing heavily on my heart now. The message that I have to send today is that you have nothing to prove. We discussed shame a few months back and shame can make you feel that you have to prove your worth. Last year I wrote a post on overachieving and being a multifaceted babe which is a result of insecurity. 
We give ourselves these identities become warped around them and live in them. My answers to questions about what I want for myself and what I want in the future have been lies. The answers involve this huge identity of myself doing something that pleases other people because of this idea of myself that I warped myself in. In true honesty I do not love where I am in life right now and what I am doing, to top it all off I have no idea what I am doing but in trusting God I have decided to do nothing. This year I do just as much as I can as I want because I have nothing to prove.

All of the accolades, titles, and positions do not prove my worth. My self-worth is in God and he is going to tell me what I should do. I made myself so busy that I realized that I could not hear God. The best thing about you which I hope you realise is that you are you with all of your imperfections. The path to healing is coming to terms with the fact that you are never going to be perfect the peace that you are looking for starts with you being able to sit with the noise. You need to live with the fact that you are flawed. May Autumn bring about good change, my love bug.

Till next time, Cheers!
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