Oversharing:A complexity of loneliness

Good day, love bugs.

You guys ate the last post up and I am so grateful.

We often hear that oversharing is a trauma response. How can one know that they are oversharing or that you simply just like to talk a lot? According to Science of People oversharing is when you say more than is appropriate in a given situation or to a specific person. Often what you say becomes oversharing when you don't have a deep enough connection with someone or are opening up in an uncomfortable or unsafe space.

There are lots of reasons why people overshare and the reason I want to highlight is loneliness. Verywellmind states that loneliness is a state of mind, people need to be able to be in solitude but what makes loneliness different is that the individual experiencing it feels empty, alone, unwanted, and craves human contact. Their state of mind makes it difficult for them to connect with others. Individualism rather than community is how today’s society operates.

In All About Love, Bell Hooks says “Rarely, if ever, are any of us healed in isolation. Healing is an act of communion.” Oversharing as a trauma response or a dimension of loneliness is an indicator that we feel it is best if we go through hardships alone but to challenge that, it would be better to share with whom you trust so that you do not feel the need to divulge huge amounts of information when you meet people.

Another reason why people overshare is because of a false sense of closeness. Being in a state of loneliness can lead to this when someone is in your personal space for example, when you are at the nail salon or in an Uber, they are people in your personal space which creates a false sense of intimacy. It feels easy and acceptable to share a lot with them but not everyone deserves to know you at such an intimate level.

It is okay to crave human contact as human beings we are meant to be social and I know that not everyone has friends or has good relationships with their family. I also know that social anxiety exists and the pandemic has challenged the way that we communicate but it is never too late to try. Start small particularly in spaces that you enjoy, for us to connect we have to step out of our comfort zones we also have to have awkward but much-needed conversations. This is a reminder that you never 'too' anything for the people that deserve you. People who are meant to be in your life will be willing to be there for you.

Till next time,Cheers!

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