At the beginning of the year, most of us made vision boards and set goals for ourselves. We are now in the last quarter, where did the time go? Also, why have we not achieved the goals that we have set for ourselves?
You know what to do and if you don't you know where to start. There is a saying that goes, 'It is the success that you are afraid of.' Never have I resonated with something so deeply. At times we face so much hardship, deal with societal expectations, and have a backlog of trauma that we think we are not worthy of the life we want.
This is what is called self-sabotage.
The term self-sabotage refers to the destructive behavior that is directed at yourself.
Sabotage is the act of destroying or undermining something often in a covert manner. But how the vision is there? Self-sabotage can look like procrastination where you repeatedly put something off because you think that tomorrow is guaranteed. It is also the negative self-talk we give ourselves such as 'You can't do that it has never been achieved before. You also lack motivation and have a lack of self-esteem. Familiarity is much more comfortable and self- sabotaging makes you feel like you are in control.
There are many reasons we self-sabotage.
The first one is Imposter Syndrome. You know that you are skilled, and talented and have worked hard enough for what you want but there is something that is telling you subconsciously that you do not deserve it.
There is also instant gratification. We know that we are living in a microwave generation. We set these big goals and want to have achieved them by tomorrow. The truth is that you may not achieve everything on your vision board. This may be the year of preparation for you and the results will come in due course. Indulgence culture is another reason we are hooked to our screens to these apps that make you think you cannot live without them. We binge on series, food, alcohol you name it as a means of escape. There is also the toxic side of self-care, being self-made. I am the biggest fan of self-care but not the one that is being portrayed on social media as an over-indulgence in beauty and lifestyle products. We are the main characters of our story but maybe you are sabotaging yourself because you do not have a community around that cares for you.
Fear is also a reason for self-sabotage. You may think you will fail at what you have set for yourself and disappoint your family or community. Failing is not nice and chances are that you are going to fail but to be great at something you have to be bad at it first.
How does one overcome self-sabotage?
You have to first accept that becoming the person you want to be is not going to be easy. You have to step out of your comfort zone it is not easy but it will not be this difficult forever.
You are also going to need discipline. We most likely have the routine but discipline will give us the results. Discipline does not look the same for everyone and it will not look the same in every season of your life. It is also not hydrotherapy do not torture yourself and label it as discipline, give yourself grace.
Use the skill of focusing work on one area at a time. Last year we did the Hello Spring challenge where you worked on an area of your life on a daily. Check it out on the blog if you do not know what I am talking about.
Self-accountability is also what is needed in your growing journey. You need to be able to hold yourself accountable.
Find an accountability partner, a gym buddy, a book club, etc. Any person or community that can help you hold yourself accountable.
Do not procrastinate. Rather than do it the night before, do the tasks which require a lot of work in the morning. Also, practice positive affirmations in the morning to dial down the negative self-talk.
You are not alone, self-sabotaging happens to the best of us. Remember that you deserve a good life.
Till next time, Cheers!
Citations
MindTools (2022). Self-Sabotage, Overcoming Self-Defeating Behaviour. https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTCS_95.htm
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